Not quite the same
by LadySariku
Summary: Kenshin leaves Karou to fight in an upcoming war, but what if he comes back different? And what if Karou never told him about something before he left? Complete
1. Proluge

It was a gray day in summer and a slight drizzle fell, reflecting Karou's dark and gloomy mood. Today was the day she had been dreading since the moment she had found out the news. It was the day the man she loved would go to fight in a war. It had been the day of Karou's birthday when the messenger arrived, calling Kenshin to come and fight. And at first, she had been enraged. Cursing anything and everything that came in her path, creating chaos and havoc as she went and not caring about the consequences. As the days went by, her protests fell upon deaf ears; and a stone heart. Karou sighed, then started picked up her bokken, hoping to ease the pain through some rigorous training. She bent down, and was reaching for the bokken when a pair of strong arms encircled her. Tears flooded from Karou's indigo eyes and the arms only hugged her tighter. Kenshin's voice softly whispered in her ear "Goodbye dear one; I'll come back for you one day, I swear it." and gently gave her a kiss on the cheek. The wanderer released her and turned, his feet padding softly across the dojo's wooden floor. Karou slumped to the floor, as limp as a rag doll when a rattle was heard, and a sound of a door closing echoed loudly within the silent dojo. "KENSHIN!" shouted Karou, and stood up and haphazardly dashed for the door. But the wanderer was nowhere in sight. Karou fell to the ground, sobbing harshly upon the doorframe. Her tears streaked freely down her face, and she unashamedly wept. She cursed herself for not telling him before he left, and being such a coward about it. She hadn't told anyone yet, since she had been hiding it for so long… This is where Sano and Yahiko found her, hours later and still crying. This is also where our story begins.


	2. Who do I love?

It was now a year later, and Kenshin still hadn't returned. What she had so desperately wanted to tell him was that she was, well, pregnant. She had been close to her due date when he left that fateful day, and had covered her baby's chi with her own, a trick that Kenshin had taught her before he left. His exact words were "**While I'm gone, use it to hide from anything you need to". **Well, she did! She planned to surprise him with being a daddy once she had given birth, and tell him that it was his. Karou sighed and sadly looked around the empty dojo. Sano and Megumi were together now and she missed their company. Annoying as that witch, and the temper trying ways of the wayward rooster. She even missed the brat! Yahiko lived with Tsumbae now, and she was expecting to hear some news from the two of them... So it was her here all alone, other than her son Ryu. That little sea monkey that she had so carefully hid was growing up fast now, and she still didn't know why she choose that name, but it seemed just right for him. With a rueful eye she glared at the now empty tofu bucket. Time to go to the market. She silently strapped a protesting Ryu to her back and grabbed the bucket, then fixed her obi and hair ribbon. She hadn't been out of the dojo much since Kenshin had left, just getting what she needed at the market and returning back quickly. **"Lets see I need tofu, soy sauce…"** Karou listed off the items as she walked, loath to take a second trip back to the market if she had forgotten something, and she wasn't paying attention to her surroundings. Only when she heard Ryu begin to fuss did she stop saying her list. She paused a moment, then began to sing softly to him, hoping to calm him. Humming to get the tune started, she sang in a clear soprano,

"**Hush my little dragon, it will be okay,**

**You're not alone, for I am here.**

**See the cherry blossoms fall so far,**

**As light as sp-"**

But Karou got no further. A rough hand wheeled her about, nearly pulling Ryu off Karou's back and she found herself staring into twin pools of amber, but that's not what made Karou almost faint. It was the same flaming red hair and the large scar that covered one cheek. He had finally come back after a year…Kenshin. As she stared into his eyes, he asked roughly **"Where did you learn that song? And who are you?"**


	3. To be able to forget the past

Karou gaped at him speechless and Kenshin returned the favor. As he looked into her eyes, something came to him; a half forgotten memory of them. It showed him teaching her how to fight, but she wasn't doing so well. She had kept getting the grip wrong, and while she got frustrated, he started to laugh. '_Who is she? I feel like I know her from somewhere…_' thought Kenshin. But there was little time to think about it because someone was coming up the road, almost to the point where they would see them talking. Dressed as he was with half healed wounds and blood splattered clothing and holding her as roughly as he was the person might think that he was out to kill her, and explaining what he was up to did _not _suit his nature.

With one fluid move Kenshin had drawn his sword and with the hilt efficiently rapped the back of Karou's neck, causing her to faint. As she was on the brink of losing consciousness she weakly murmured,

"**Ken…shin…"**

He caught her gently as she fell, when he remembered Ryu was strapped to her back. As if on cue, Ryu began to wail loudly, startling some birds that had nested in a nearby tree. Without a second thought, Kenshin swung the end of his sword into the back of Ryu's neck, causing him to faint. He shifted Ryu to a better position and ran off, carrying Karou and Ryu in his arms, the tofu bucket long forgotten. He was going to take her to a place that only he knew of, a quiet pond and a single sakura tree that lay near a simple, abandoned hut deep in the forest. He had found it while in his wanderings all that time ago, and had often used it to hide from pursuers or to rest and heal his wounds. He sped off towards it, his crimson hair swinging swaying with the movement and Karou and Ryu lying limply in his arms. (For those who are wondering about the fate of the abandoned tofu bucket, I assure you that someone picked it up and brought it home, and it will make a further appearance.) After a few minutes of traveling, he sighted the small hut and the sakura tree dancing in the breeze near it. He stopped with a sigh of relief, and then carried them into the abandoned hut, sunlight streaming in through a gap in the roof. Dust motes swirled in the sunlight, and with a keen eye he noted that everything was as he had left it. A few shelves lined the sparse dwelling and they were stacked with bandages, extra clothing, jars of medicines and a few other miscellaneous items. Figuring that she would wake up soon he carefully set Ryu down on the pile of cloth that was his bedding and carefully cradled Karou's head and shoulders in his lap. It was then did he get a good look at her, his eyes opened in awe at her beauty. With a look of wonder showing in his eyes, he gently traced her face with a single, calloused finger and stared at her. Hoping she wouldn't rouse from his careful movements, he leaned over and buried his face in her ebony hair, inhaling the lavender and rose scent. Whether it was the scent or her beauty that triggered the memory, he never knew; this one showed him apparently doing _laundry?_ Another came to him; Karou was chasing around a young boy with spiked hair, and it ended with him coming up to her and giving her a kiss on the cheek. Still, neither of the duo stirred from their induced slumber. Who was this woman? Why did he have such feelings for her, even when he was sure that they had never met before? With an act of impulse and a mischievous grin, Keshin slowly leaned down and closed his eyes and set his lips ever so gently on Karou's. It was that moment she chose to wake up, with him leaning over her kissing her.


	4. Cherry Blossoms

When Karou awoke, she found herself in an interesting situation - Kenshin was above her - KISSING HER? Karou closed her eyes and softly murmured questioningly, **"Kenshin….?" **and full heartedly kissed back. But hearing the sound of her voice made him stop suddenly. _Kenshin. Did she really love that tenderhearted fool? _With a snort of disgust he pulled away and sat up, straightening his clothesat the same time. Silently he pushed her off his lap and walked out the door, never looking back. Tears pooled in Karou's eyes and slowly fell one by one onto the earthen floor of the hut. She struggled to get up at first, but finally managed to pull herself to her feet. When she stumbled out of the hut, anxiously glancing to and fro. At first he was nowhere to be found. She hoped that he would've have gone far, but then she spotted him sitting near the sakura tree, his eyes closed. She fixed her kimono, and then silently padded over to him, trying to not make a sound.

When she got there she carefully lowered herself to the ground just a few feet away from him and hugged her knees to her chest, staring into the water. Kenshin _had _noticed her presence, but didn't say a word, trying to pretend like nothing was happening. Karou spoke quietly in a pained whisper, as if she was merely talking to herself.

"**You don't really know who I am, do you?"**

Kenshin lazily opened his eyes and joined her in staring at the pond. Just as quietly he said "**No I don't; tell me, did we have something going on before this?"** _Plip. Plop. Plip. Plop. _Cherry blossoms fell into the water, mingling with the tears that fell from Karou's stormy eyes. She managed to nod briefly, then took a huge breath and began to talk. She told him everything she knew and could remember, right from the time she had first met him and until where they were now.

He sat silently through it, never shifting his glance from the crystal pond that lay before them. Once she had finished though, his hand darted out and snagged a cherry blossom mid-air that had been floating gently towards the pond. Using his speed, he had succeeded in placing the delicate bloom into Karou's ebony hair before she had noticed what was going on and could react. Karou stifled a gasp, then tentatively reached up and touched the flower that had been placed there. She cast a swift glance at Kenshin, who was staring at her and in a puzzled voice asked, "**Did you…?"** and let the question die off. Without saying a word, he grabbed her hand that had been resting on the shore and said **"Many, many strange things have happened to me since I left. I've seen and gone things that I'll never forget, but it seems that you were not among those memories."**

A fresh batch of tears came to Karou's eyes and she angrily wiped them away.

"**Fine! Just leave then! I've waited for all these years, hoping that you would come and then one day you just show up out of the blue a-"**

Maneuvering with his arms he leaned over to her and in the middle of her tirade planted a firm kiss on her lips. When he finally pulled back he stared deeply into her hurt and saddened eyes and whispered the only words he knew to make it right.

"**I love you." **


	5. Facing death

The sweetness of the moment was broken when Ryu finally came to and began to wail at the top of his lungs. Karou managed a shaky smile and two last tears fell from her face, as bright as crystal droplets. She tried to stand up but fell back down, landing on the numerous cherry blossoms that flew up around them. Silently Kenshin stood and offered his hand to her. After a moment's hesitation, she gratefully grasped it and found herself being gently hauled up. They walked back to the hut together, holding hands and Kenshin had put his other hand on the small of her back to steady her.

They came upon a fitfully screaming Ryu and Karou lovingly picked him up and made comforting noises until he calmed down some. Without a word, Kenshin stepped out into the bright sunlight and waited for them to finish. Karou followed cradling a contented Ryu in her arms when she found herself being gently picked up bridal-style while Kenshin ran off again. This time though, he was going to where Karou said they lived together for quite awhile; Her dojo.

--Back at the dojo--

A worried Sanosuke shuffled about, dejectedly slumped over. **"Where is the raccoon girl? Hope nothin' happened to her**." sputtered Sanosuke ruefully. He flung the empty tofu bucket inside the kitchen, making a clattering sound within the deserted dojo. '_Better wait for her; Megitsune knows I'm here' _thought Sano as he slowly made his way towards the bathhouse. With a sigh he sat upon the step and leaned against the doorframe, readying to sleep off his drunkenness. He had made a bet earlier that day that he could drink six sake bottles straight, and he had won the bet, but at a price. He had gotten a helluva major hangover, and the empty dojo was a perfect place to sleep it off. Within minutes, he was sleeping soundly on the doorframe, oblivious to the world around him.

Kenshin lightly landed under the gateway to the dojo, carrying Karou and Ryu in his arms. He carefully set them down, and then drew his sword. He advanced around the edge of the dojo, silently padding and darting cautious glances every which way. Karou gave him a questioning look, but set Ryu down near some of his toys to content himself with while she questioned the rurouni as to what was going on. She hesitantly followed Kenshin, wondering what all the secrecy was about. She quietly called out his name but he ignored her. He then carefully peered around the edge, and then spotted what he was looking for; someone leaning against the bathhouse door. He motioned for Karou to get back and stay there, and then crept up to where the lanky man lay sleeping. He sharply inquired, **"Who are you? What are you doing here?"**

When the man didn't answer, he reached out and tapped the man's head with his sword edge, but he did not respond. Kenshin took this as a sign of either death or pure drunkenness, or even a combination of both. He jumped and kicked outwards, catching the man right in the stomach figuring if that didn't wake him up, he must be dead. That's all it took for Sano to awake, and he blinked owlishly at Kenshin, still heavily drunk. **"Huh? Wazz happenin'?"** slurred Sanosuke. When his eyes finally came into focus though, he gaped and said **"Kenshin?"** The two stared at each other, neither moving nor saying a word. Karou peeped around the building, then let out a sound of surprise when she recognized whom Kenshin was talking to.

She ran forward, past Kenshin and reached up and hugged Sano, happy to finally see him again. She hadn't seen him since Kenshin had left, and she missed him and Megumi dearly. Sanosuke looked down, and saw Karou hugging him tightly. "**Hey Karou - how'ya been doing?"** and hugged her back roughly. Though in his drunken state, he hugged her back too tightly, crushing her against him. She yelped in pain as she struggled for breath, and managed to sputter out **"L-let go S-sano!**" and tried to push away. But that made him squeeze all the tighter, and soon Karou knew that she must either get air into her lungs or die. Kenshin saw what was happening, and demanded, **"Let go of her!"** Sanosuke didn't stop, and Kenshin could sense the urgency of the situation.

With one fluid motion he drew his sword, for once glad that he had gotten rid of that wimpy sabeto and gotten a real sword. One more graceful motion was all it took. He jabbed at Sanosuke, stabbing him full force at point blank range into the heart. The mortal thing that Sano ever saw was his best friend, stabbing his blade into his heart. He stepped back a step, then his eyes rolled up and he collapsed, staining the ground crimson. Karou stared horrified that something like this had happened. "**Sano? SANO!"** screeched Karou, and she fell to the ground sobbing hysterically at the sight of Sanosuke. She cradled his head in her arms, tears splashing down her face. "**Please get up -c'mon this is just a joke right? Sanosuke please stop pretending, this isn't very funny,"** begged Karou, everything else forgotten. Kenshin stood still, his sword lying limply in his hand and blood dripping off the blade like a vengeful rain. Memories long ago locked in his heart released, and images flooded his mind of this man watching over Karou when he was away, and being as close as brothers to one another.

Kenshin stared in disbelief that he had killed this man. Killing was nothing new to him; it was either kill or be killed out on the battlefield. Thoughts clouded Karou's mind; what would she tell Megumi? Anger engulfed Karou, burning away her tears. _'Why did Kenshin have to kill him? Couldn't he just have pushed him away instead?!' _She stood up and turned to Kenshin, her eyes betraying her senseless rage. **"WHY?"** she screamed at him, and ran over to him, flinging her fists out at him, wild within her fury. One struck him squarely in the face, causing a slight scratch to appear. He shoved her away violently, and then slowly reached up to touch the scratch. His face showed no emotion, and Karou slowly got up from where she fell, her back turned on him. When she looked back, he was gone. **"Mama?"** Ryu asked, cocking his head to the side. He had gotten bored with playing his toys, and had gone to see what all the commotion was about, and he had slowly toddled to the edge of the dojo. He looked questioningly at Karou, and then stared at the body of Sano.

Karou hurriedly ran and picked him up, not letting him see 'Uncle Sano'. She shoved him inside the dojo, and told him,

"**Stay here and don't go outside until I say!" **Ryu reluctantly nodded, then sat down to wait for his mama to finish up. Even at an early age he had learned to obey when he heard _that_ tone of voice. She closed the door and locked it then silently walked over to where Sanosuke lay, tears forming in her eyes. She had to bury him somewhere and quickly too, if only for the sake of Ryu. She hesitantly stepped near him, then steeled herself and grabbed his arm. The feel of it almost made her drop it and run, but instead she dragged him a few feet away to a quiet corner of the courtyard. With her hands she dug a long, shallow hole, taking near three hours to complete it**. "I'm so, so sorry Sanosuke…."** and unceremoniously shoved his body into the hole and covered him up. When she got to his face she froze and instead said a silent prayer and pleading with him to forgive her all the while. She spotted some lily-of-the-valleys near it, and grabbed them and placed them on top of the mound. Tears splattered on the flowers, and Karou ran back into the dojo, hiding her eyes in her sleeve, trying to stop the flow of tears. She knew that she would have to tell Megumi soon but she had to get Ryu ready first. As she swung open the door, Ryu looked up at her and sleepily asked **"Mama - why was Uncle Sano on the ground?"** Karou tiredly looked down at him, her face showing none of the pain she felt. She was covered in mud, tears and sweat, and there was still more to come.

"**Uncle Sano was just talking a little nap, Ryu. Want to go to Auntie Tsubame's?" **asked Karou slowly.

Ryu nodded happily, and Karou crouched down and motioned for him to climb on her back. He willingly obliged, tired out from all the events that happened earlier that day. Karou carefully exited the dojo, and then shut the door with an echoing thud. She adjusted Ryu briefly and then headed off toward Tsubame's house at a brisk walk. She was hoping to catch Megumi at sun set, for that was when Megumi would head home for the evening. Yahiko was just stepping outside when she arrived, setting down some boxes when he saw her. **"Karou - wh-?"** but he stopped, seeing the look on her face and the dirt smears on her hands and arms. Long used to her oddities at times, he took Ryu without a second thought as Karou handed him to Yahiko, still asleep from the long journey. **"Will you keep him here tonight? There is something….I must do."** Yahiko nodded, then disappeared inside with Ryu. Karou walked off in the direction of Megumi's clinic, her face composed and solemn. She kept her head down and wasn't paying attention to her surroundings when she ran into someone. Startled she looked up, and apologized quickly when she saw who she had run into.

Megumi.

She too, had been crying for twin trails of tears streaked her once beautiful face. Upon seeing Karou, she grabbed her shoulders and quickly questioned "**Have you seen Sanosuke?! I haven't seen him since early morning, and I'm worried…"** Karou looked at her, and then held out her hand. **"Megumi…please, come with me."**, and led her off, half walking and half dragging the almost hysterical woman. The journey was shorter on the way home to dojo, being unburdened of a sleeping child but neither of them said a word. Around the dojo they went, and when Megumi saw the pool of blood, her eyes widened and she gasped. But it was the mound that was near it that made her fall on her knees and weep loudly. The small lily-of-the-valleys had withered already, as if sensing what lay beneath them. **"SANOSUKE!"** screamed Megumi, sobbing hysterically, not hiding her grief in any way. Karou stood there while Megumi sobbed, understanding her need to release her sorrow. She had done that too, when Kenshin had left. '_Kenshin… That's right - I made him leave after….'_ thought Karou. She suddenly knew what she had to do and leaving Megumi behind, she slowly stumbled into the dojo. She knew where she had kept it, all those years ago. She wound her way around the halls and rooms, stopping before the door that led to hers and carefully opened it. Ryu's toys lay scattered about, and she pushed her way through the mess to a small nightstand that Kenshin had made for her, right after they were married.

Finding the hidden switch, she gently rapped on it twice, and a hidden drawer shot out from the bottom. There, gleaming in the light, lay a single, deadly dagger. She picked it up and fingered the edge, careful not to jab too deeply. '_Perfect - still as sharp as it was a year ago..' _Holding the dagger in one hand, she pulled up the sleeve on her other arm, revealing long, vicious scars that ran all the way up her arm. She remembered that day perhaps, all too well. Kenshin had left, and her, not knowing what do to, had tried to end it all with this very same dagger. Now it would end this time; she would make sure of it. With a calm look on her face, she slowly and surely set the edge of the dagger upon her arm and prepared to slash it to the very depths of hell…


	6. Please don't die, Koshii

Megumi wept and wailed, pouring her heart out over the final resting place of her beloved Sanosuke. 'Why_? Who would do something like this?'_ thought Megumi wildly. Her tears fell, making small wet spots upon the earth that covered Sano. She finally, after a long period of crying, ran out of tears. As she stared at her lap, her hands clenched in sorrow, she recalled something. Her hands unclenched and she gently placed them on her slightly rounded stomach. He had known, of course. She told him the very first day that **she **had known. She remembered that day, better if any. She had been outside the clinic, standing on the porch staring at the colorful sunset when Sanosuke had snuck up on her and wrapped his strong arms around her. She looked up and smiled, then he had leaned down and kissed her gently.

It had been a pretty picture, but now, it was shattered. Sanosuke lay in the cold, hard and unforgiving ground. The harsh reality of the situation made Megumi make a decision, perhaps one of the few sane ones made that day. She would mourn privately at home, with no one to watch her. She slowly reached out, just to touch his face one more time… But when her small and shaking hand was just a scant inch away, the mound shook and shivered, startling her. She yanked her hand back just in time to see Sanosuke sit up, groaning and gasping for air as the dirt fell around him. Her eyes rolled up in her head and she fainted, leaving a bleeding and very confused Sanosuke staring at her. Without bothering to bind up his wound or even stop the bleeding, he picked up the unconscious Megumi and silently walked out the dojo gate, having remembered what had happened earlier between him and Kenshin. With him bleeding through a gaping hole in his chest and fighting to stay conscious he slowly made his way to the clinic, not caring that he bled over Megumi…

Back within the dojo, Karou sat with the dagger pressed taunt against her skin. As the cold metal slid across her smooth skin, she muttered to herself **"No, that's not right…"** and in one fluid move, she had transferred the edge of the blade from her inner arm to her throat, the tip of the blade pointing at it. _'For you, Sanosuke.'_ she thought sadly, and prepared to jab the blade into her tender exposed throat. She closed her eyes, and then gently began to slide the tip slowly into her tender throat. Her sliding door crashed open and Kenshin dashed in, his eyes wide. Without pausing, he raced over to her, and tried to wrestle the dagger from her. **"NO! LET ME DIE IN PEACE!"** screamed Karou loudly. Suddenly, there was a harsh pain in her chest, and she looked down in horror to see the dagger there, plunged up to the hilt. Her eyes widened, and she looked at Kenshin in surprise. Somehow, during the struggle the blade had slipped downward, and as he tried to catch it, he had gotten unbalanced and accidentally jammed the blade into her. He cursed loudly, scrambling to do anything to stop the bleeding. Karou wobbled slightly, blood forming a small crimson river flowing from her mouth onto the wooden floor of the dojo.

She swayed violently and Kenshin reached out and caught her before she fell, cradling her in his arms. She looked up at him and whispered, **"We'll always be together, my dear one… And I was...so…h…appy to finally…s…" **but got no further. Kenshin had leaned down and gently kissed her gently as the last bit of life she had slipped away, closing her obsidian eyes forever. Kenshin stood up, his face solemn and pretended not to notice as twin tears fell, mixing with Karou's ruby blood that lay on the floor. He quietly buried Karou in the same grave that once had held Sanosuke in its grasp, never saying a word the whole time. He fixed his sword upon his hip once again, then stepped out of the dojo and locked it up tight. He made sure that neither thieves nor animals could open it.

Then he walked to Yahiko's and told him what had occurred, picked up Ryu, and strapped his sleeping son to his back just as the sun was setting. The sunset reflected pink and purple rays over the wanderer and his last remaining kin as he threw one last glance over the city that he had once loved. Then he turned, and walked into the sunset, never to be seen again in that city….for now. He would wander to the ends of the Earth, trying to forget all that had happened. When his son grew old enough, he would pass on the task to him and his grandchildren until he found what he was looking for, whatever it may happen to be. A small girl watched the wanderer until he grew out of sight, then returned to her playing, not telling anyone what she had seen that evening. It was soon forgotten, as more important things came into her mind, such as how to avoid her bath later on…


End file.
